The mighty Mueller Gary Mueller, Staples, took on the Incredible Hulk in a recent wrestling match. The Hulk was one tough cookie, but Mueller managed to taste victory after a half-hour plus chewing match. After Staples native Gary Mueller learned that he had not won the lottery in 1993, he decided to pursue another moneymaking venture...pro-wrestling.

“It’s always been a love of mine,” said Mueller, an ad salesman who can knock down a classifieds page in less than 20 seconds (about as long as it takes him to get to Lefty’s).

Heck, if he could twist a few arms into advertising in one of the state’s finest newspapers, why not take on one of the largest limbs around...that of the incredible Hulk Hogan.

“Some people called me crazy,” Mueller said, “But I had wrestled some in high school...a few times at prom, the usual.”

He had what it took, Mueller said confidently, throwing a box of papers (with one muscled arm) into the back of his Ford.

For months, Mueller worked out religiously... jogging to Lefty’s when he could have just walked; filling out lottery tickets with a leadcoated 10-pound dumbell. He was ready. Bring on the formidable prowrestler.

Unfortu- nately, Muell er’s agent lear ned that Hulk Hogan was taking a break from the prowrestling circuit to fulfill a dream of raising sea-monkies.

Would he consider taking on the Incredible Hulk instead, Mueller’s agent asked him.

Of course, Mueller answered, invigorated by the challenge.

In early March of this year, Mueller met his match...the Incredible Hulk disguised as a cookie.

“Yeah, it was intimidating,” Mueller confessed. “I mean, this was one tough cookie. He was green and ugly and hard as a rock. ”

Mueller knew he would have to bite fast or get eaten alive. “I wasn’t sure I could do it...the date on this cookie was October, 2009. Luckily, I have good dental insurance.”

He just couldn’t let his fans down, Mueller said. “I thought of everyone who has been supporting me while I’ve pursued this dream. I knew I had to whip the Hulk, one way or another.”

The Incredible Hulk wasn’t the only green thing on Mueller’s mind that cold, March morning.

“People had bet money on me winning...the stakes were high,” he said, shaking his head at the memory.

Mueller did not disappoint.

It was tough going at first and without a cup of coffee to dunk the cookie into, Mueller was running into some trouble.

“He was a tough match, I’ll admit it. I chipped a tooth or two during the process, but I just kept going...I had to win this one, I was out of lottery tickets.”

After a 32-minute, twenty-second knock-down brawl, Mueller’s boss at the paper declared him the winner.

“I had nearly eaten all of the Hulk...it was incredible,” Mueller said. “I probably could have chewed the rest of that sorry doughboy, but my boss said it was time to get back to work.”

Eventually, Mueller would head back out to sell some ads. But not before shaking hands with at least three fans who had witnessed the fight of a lifetime.

Gary Mueller of Staples downs the Incredible Hulk.